immortal confession..

Here I am again.. when I feel like writing its more likely I’m depressed or when I’m sad. But I’m not really sad nor depressed today.

I always thought that I am strong.. I am the queen of ice that  can’t be moved by anyone or that no man can make me fall, sway my thoughts and mostly make me bothered. It’s really awful that the past 3 weeks are the weakest weeks of my life.. I wasn’t sure about my emotions, I wasn’t able to control all my feelings.. the braveness that used to shield me had just disappeared unconsciously. The past weeks are the good days for enemies to attack.. and yes enemies did and won their battles against me. And now I’m hurting. Hurting? Had I just said that. Well, a true goddess-like creature like me still has a heart that can be hurt anytime. 

I used to laugh at things. I used to think that I can make fun of  the craziness of the world. In gloomy moments I had managed to stand and stayed composed, but why is my resistance getting weaker? I don’t know. Is it because of the pills that I’m taking? I hope not. I don’t really know. Why am getting so stupid over guys who doesn’t know how to take care of  real gems like myself. Now, I would like to hate them. Bitter?

I know that prayers are the most powerful weapon amongst all defenses. Am I lacking? I’m not. Am I loosing faith? I know I’m not. But I guess everything is part of new sets of test in this chapter of my life. The easy ones are over.. I am now reaching the difficult stage.. I know that I would learn lessons out of this quest. But how long do I have to undergo this? I thought I’m over HIM., it’s him again! But I was wrong. Ahhh! I hate how my heart can be so crazy over such emotion. I don’t know how to set my defense now. I’m a defeated soldier now. But I will stand again, and once I’m recovered I’ll triple my shield so I won’t be harmed again. For me love is a threat! The wonderful feelings are just the initial feeling., when You are still blinded, when you are on cloud 9, but once your brain starts working again and see  the realization around you., that’s when sadness takes place.  Am I a broken hearted soul? Maybe. I don’t know.. I  once said I’m a neophyte in this game. .  A soul sister, gives me advices, she is one tough of a lady. I thought I am stronger now, but no. I want to gain my strenght again.

 When they say that looks can be deceiving, well yeah it is true, because if people would look at me, they will be blinded with my happy face. But deep inside the mask, I am a kid that is still scared…

But one day, I will be cold again.. queen of ice..

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~ by queenofice on November 25, 2007.

One Response to “immortal confession..”

  1. we can never claim we’re strong at everything, even if we say we’re made of ice.. when the sun rises, we melt too. di ba? but no matter what, sis..we’ll always have moments like these, but one thing you need to know is that eventually its all gonna be alright.

    there’s no other way to be.

    “huggs”

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